hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
