Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
