U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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