Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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