I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
