Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
