If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
