Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
