Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
PANTIES FOUND
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
