you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize