god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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