4 words: hood of his car
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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