I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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