Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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