Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
