my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
