He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
