Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I party with great urgency now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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