I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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