I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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