I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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