is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize