her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
