The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
