She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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