For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize