yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
