So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
