We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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