I CAN MOONWALK!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
