i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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