Having a random hookup so left but love u
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
