We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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