Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We're too hungover to prance.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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