this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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