you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize