Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He better not be in your backpack
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All the doctor said was why
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
