I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
