$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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