Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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