She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
