i will never coherently bang her
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
