got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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