Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
