I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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