checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
