Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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