i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
