This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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