well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
