I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
