I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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