even my farts smell like vagina
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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