Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
