you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
