My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
