If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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