also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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