Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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