gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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