shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
