i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
