Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize