I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
no you cant smoke seaweed
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
