but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
