hell yes lets make some ravioli
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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