Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
