remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The air was thick with penises
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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