im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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