keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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