How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
