I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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