Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
