I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
