The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
