New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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