Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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