Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
