Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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