i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We named our party play list daddy issues
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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