i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
