two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
