I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
