i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
