you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
